Futurama Porn Story: The Last Stand – Chapter 1

Note: I have finally pulled together an idea, and here it is. When
complete, I will be sending it to such prominent Futurama sites as TLZ and
CGEF… until then, sit back and read. Because this is considerably good
writing coming from me. On with the show!

——————–

Opening Credits: Too Good To Be Animated!

The city of New New York, as any other night. A vast empire of skyscrapers,
with satellites and hovercars darting between the transport tubes and
flying billboards. Unlike most nights, something big had happened, far away
in the universe. No one but the man who disappeared with it could hear the
explosion as the Infosphere was blasted permanently into an alternate
universe.

Leela held up the picture of Chaz and herself, taken that same day. Deep
down, she wondered what it was that made her fall for pompous idiots such
as him. Maybe all I really want is to feel important.

She turned to Bender. “Will you do the honors?”

“With gusto.” Bender burped a flame that seared a neat, round hole where
Chaz’s arrogant face would have been. She held the picture up, satisfied.
As she did, she felt a weird sensation, as though something should have
happened. Her eye focused on the door she could see through the hole, but
nothing happened to it. She felt paranoid.

Bender took a chug of Olde Fortran. “Wonder what’s been keeping our buddy?
It doesn’t take that long to clean up after Nibbler.”

Leela sat down on the couch, running her fingers through her hair. “Maybe
Fry got sidetracked… or mugged… or… or…”

She started to continue when a bright light filled the room, a fierce blue-
white color. She shielded her eye until it faded. As she looked up, the
light considerably dimmer, she was flabbergasted. The person in front of
her turned around and shouted in surprise.

“Leela!”

***

“Leela!”

Fry fell down to his knees in front of the What-If machine, sobbing. The
Professor’s machine simply shut itself off, leaving the lab in total
darkness, and Fry with his thoughts. He couldn’t win her heart without the
holophoner, but because he couldn’t play it, it was hopeless. It was like
Bender had said last night, he should have given up all hope of ever
improving himself.

The lights turned on again, and Fry quickly turned his head to avoid being
seen crying.

“What are you doing in here, Fry? I already made the delivery to Space
Earth,” Leela said from the doorway. “Though you and Bender weren’t that
big a help.”

“We were out, um, getting drunk. And stuff,” Fry announced, still trying
not to let Leela see his face. He had just witnessed what looked like the
only way to win Leela’s heart without deceit or fame, and it was only a
short movie the invention had played.

“You seem pretty sober… wait, did you get hurt? Don’t try and hide it
from me, we all know how accident-prone you are. No offense, but you could
really use a bit more sense than to tinker with the Professor’s things.”

Exasperated, Fry turned and faced her, his eyes red and his nose running
from the tears. “Look, sometimes people have a right to privacy. Do you
really want to know what I was doing, or can you let it slide for once?”

Leela was taken aback, both by Fry’s expression and his tone of voice. She
didn’t say anything, so Fry stalked out of the room, brushing past her.
Confused, she tried to tell him to stop, but he didn’t bother listening.
She stared at him as he turned a corner of the hallway.

“Why do we always feel so opposite about each other?”

***

Fry downed another bottle of beer, letting it slip out of his hand when he
was done. He was feeling dizzy now, but still sad. He watched the bottle’s
progress across the floor of his bedroom from the couch. It rolled across
the rug and stopped at Bender’s foot.

“Whoa there, skintube. I thought humans had some kind of maximum alcohol
intake, or something.” Bender picked up the empty bottle and dropped it
into his mouth, crushing it inside himself.

Fry opened another bottle, waving it at Bender and sloshing some out at the
robot. He was evidently drunk. “I… don’t… care.”

Bender grabbed the beer from Fry and drank it instead, belching fire at his
friend. “Look, buddy, I don’t know much about humans or nothing, but even I
know when you really shouldn’t be hitting the booze so hard. You’re a
wreck! Has old one-eye been giving you some trouble?”

Fry struggled to keep his focus on Bender. “None… your… business.”

Bender sat down next to Fry and pulled a Zuban cigar out of his chest
cabinet. He lit it up and smoked it, blowing a large cloud in the human’s
face. Fry had a coughing fit. “I don’t think I’ll ever understand you
humans.”

Bender continued to talk and smoke, though his words were becoming farther
away. Fry felt sick and drained; he was fighting not to drop unconscious on
the spot. It soon became too much for him, and he passed out. Outside the
large window in the room, the night sky was filled with stars and
spaceships. Bender never even stopped to see why his friend had started
snoring.

***

The next morning, Leela was waiting outside the Planet Express ship,
tapping her foot impatiently. Her wrist-ma-jigger was showing that Fry and
Bender were already an hour and a half late for work. She fiddled with the
clipboard for a moment, when Amy came into the room.

“Hey, Leela,” she smiled warily.

“Oh, it’s just you, Amy.” Leela looked to either side before approaching
Amy. “Listen, I hate to snoop, but… do you know what’s up with Fry?
Yesterday he was crying in the Professor’s lab, and now he’s late for -“

“Well, no spluh, Leela. He was probably trying to find somewhere secret so
nobody would see him crying, and you walked in on him. It’s issues you
probably don’t want to hear about anyway.” Amy gave Leela a very guilt-
inducing look.

The front door opened and Leela peered around a doorway, satisfied at who
had finally arrived for work. It was Bender and… Fry?

Fry looked almost dead. His hair and clothes were disheveled, there were
dark circles under his bloodshot eyes, and he hadn’t bothered to shave.
Slung over one arm was a black bag with two distinct round bulges in it. He
perked up when he saw Leela looking at him.

“Leela, I’m sorry I was late… I can expl -“

Leela stormed down the hallway until she was practically nose-to-nose with
Fry. “You had better have a good excuse for not coming here on time! We’re
already an hour late for the delivery, plus you’re in no condition to fly!”

Fry shifted the bag on his shoulder. “Well obviously no excuse is going to
please you, so we’re just going to say I was late and leave it at that.”

“Translation: Fry got drunk until he passed out,” Bender interjected. Fry
shot him a poisonous look.

Leela was furious. “You what!? Fry, I thought you cared more than to do
that to yourself! Don’t you ever think?”

“I’ll go load the damned cargo if that’s what you want, just leave me
alone.”

Both spent several moments simply glaring at each other, unable to find
words to express themselves without ending it in physical contact. Then
Leela backed off. “I already did, so you can just get in the ship and stay
in your quarters for a while sleeping off that hangover.”

“Fine,” Fry spoke airily. He waited for Leela to move out of his way.

“Fine,” Leela agreed. She stepped to the side and Fry started toward the
ship, looking completely calm. As he disappeared into the hangar, Amy
appeared. She watched him amble by and rolled her eyes at Leela.

***

Leela tried to focus on the coordinates, but something was bothering her.
Once in a while, she kept hearing some very faint, forlorn music coming
from somewhere in the ship. It was slow, mournful, and pained, yet hopeful
and alive. It was stirring something inside her, a feeling that linked her
to that music. She wished it would stop.

As the tune was struck up again, Leela decided to investigate. She switched
on the autopilot and stood up. As she walked farther down the ship, the
song became louder. She could even hear other notes not possible to hear
before, subtle sounds that made the song even more intricate. Soon, she
found its source.

She rapped her hand on the door to Fry and Bender’s quarters. The music
stopped abruptly, and she walked in just as Fry was hunched over the black
sack, closing it up.

“Fry… what was that?” she inquired, trying to make herself sound as
affable as possible.

“I just, um, I was… er, something. Not that you’d care.” He turned away
and hid the bag on the other side of his hammock. She eyed the bag
curiously, but he didn’t notice. He looked considerably better. His eyes
were less bloodshot and he’d managed to shave at some point.

“It was beautiful music,” Leela sighed quietly, “but I guess I’ll just go
back to the bridge. Sorry to interrupt you.”

As Leela turned around, Fry reached out a hand and grabbed her sleeve. “No,
wait. Stay.”

Leela looked over her shoulder at Fry and the sincere look of hopeful
thinking. She couldn’t say no to it, so she shut the door again and sat
down next to him on the hammock. He made no move to touch her, so she took
his hand in her own.

“Fry, I don’t know why its been taking me so long to realize this, but I
think I’ve finally begun to realize why I felt so connected to you, even as
far back as when I deserted my job down in Old New York. You’ve shown me so
many things, and protected me from so much… I can’t really express it in
words what you are to me.”

Fry nodded. “I know what you mean, but I think I can spare you the trouble
of hearing me try to speak my feelings. I’ve started learning to
concentrate more on the image, and the music will come…”

He reached down and picked up the bag. From it he drew his old holophoner,
which he’d still been using all this time. He put it to his lips and blew.

A single note that wavered for what felt like forever, creating an image of
a single little spot in a wide, white infinity. Then it was joined, one by
one, by new notes, which made the dot begin to shudder, and finally
explode. Out of the dot came… everything. Things of every shape, size,
and color swirled in a dark void known as the universe, while the music
began to retreat into several long monotonous notes.

Then a few high whistles picked up. The debris began to form into a
picture, one of Leela, which soon became whole and started to dance, joined
by a Fry conceived of all the things that hadn’t made Leela already. She
took his hands and they began to move about. Everywhere she stepped lit up
with a fiery star, while Fry’s footfalls became planets. Together, they
could make the universe.

Leela was transfixed by the imagery. She hadn’t expected Fry to be so good
at the holophoner, after he had been rid of the worms.

As the two danced life into existence, the music became brash, and Leela
pulled away from Fry. She disappeared, pulling the starlight with her. On
the Planet Express ship, Fry stood up and gazed into the window in
wonderment. The music became suspenseful and fast; outside the ship were
four words written entirely of the stars.

I Love You Leela.

As the words were exploded into oblivion, the music began to die. Though
the pictures started to fade, Leela reappeared, holding a wedding ring in
her hand. She smiled at Fry, who too had resurfaced, his wedding ring held
out to her. Just as they seemed about to touch hands, the entire sonata was
cut off. The two evaporated into blue smoke, vanishing into the darkness of
the cabin.