Futurama Porn Story: Futurama Beauty and the Bot Chapter 1

Opening credits

Opening line underneath the logo: Do you know where your poplars are?

(It is a quiet day at Planet Express. No packages have had to be delivered
yet and we see Leela, Bender and Fry hang in front of the television. Fry
has the remote control in his hands and he is changing the channels.)

LEELA: Do you have to keep changing the channels like that all the time?
FRY: Yeah, but there is nothing on the television.
LEELA: How can you know that if you keep changing the channel every two
seconds? Before the television has even had the chance to produce a new
picture, you already flip to the next channel!
FRY: Look, I have been flipping channels all my life. It is one of the few
things that I have truly mastered. Trust me, I know what I am doing. Do you
really think I would want us to just sit here and have a boring day?
LEELA: Well, so far all we have seen is a huge selection of two second
images, for the past hour. How bored do you think I am now?
BENDER: What, do you mean to say this is not a movie? Fry is doing this
with the remote control? Gosh, I though it was some sort of experimental
European film from the twentieth century!
FRY: Hey, you’ve got a point there Bender: What if I would record all the
different channels for two seconds and then put them together in a one and
a half hour movie called: Diary of a Fragmented Life!
LEELA: What if you just hand over the remote control to me, so that you
will live long enough to make another entry in that diary of yours!

(She grabs the remote control out of Fry’s hands and pushes the zap button.
She looks at the screen and seems happy with what she is seeing)

LEELA: Here, I push the button one time and already I have something that
we can watch!
FRY: Are you kidding? This is Beauty and the Beast, some boring love story
about this hideous creature, who live in a castle with all these enchanted
lackeys, then falls in love with a gorgeous girl, and then she falls in
love with him too, turning him into a beautiful prince.
BENDER: Ow! Now you’ve spoiled the story for us!
FRY: How can I spoil it for you? It’s exactly like every other romantic
movie out there. Boy loves Girl. Girl does not know if she loves boy too.
Then Boy does something amazingly romantic and then Girl loves Boy too.
BENDER: You mean to say that this is not a movie where Boy loves Girl, Girl
does not know if she loves Boy too, then Girl meets Bot. Then Bot does
something amazingly romantic, like killing Boy, and then Bot and Girl live
happily ever after?
FRY: Do you really think I am gonna keep sitting here and watch this stupid
love movie when I have something better to do?

(The three of them sit there and watch the screen. Then Leela turns to
Fry.)

LEELA: Well? Why are you still sitting here then?
FRY: I don’t have anything better to do.

(Before they can get into another discussion Professor Farnsworth enters
the room, followed by Amy and Dr. Zoidberg.)

FARNSWORTH: Good, now we are all here! Wonderful! I have a new delivery!

(Fry gets up)

FRY: Good, now I do have something better to do.
LEELA: Yeah well now you spoiled it for us, so there is no fun in watching
it anymore anyway.

(They all go to sit at the table and Professor Farnsworth explains the new
delivery.)

FARNSWORTH: We have a package for the planet Grimmulon.
FRY: Grimmulon?
FARNSWORTH: Yes, it’s a planet not too far from here. It’s owned by a
pharmaceutical company.
FRY: Owned?
FARNSWORTH: The people of the planet were so sick and tired of their
leaders screwing up all the time that they killed them off and then sold
the planet to the highest bidder. Since then everybody is happier than
ever!
BENDER: And I heard they smell better than ever too.
LEELA: So, what do we have to deliver there?
FARNSWORTH: Oh, it’s something special, a new secret ingredient for their
latest cologne!
FRY: Secret ingredient? Ugh, it’s not snail slime again, is it? Like on
that Slurm planet?
FARNSWORTH: I have no idea what it is and frankly, I don’t care either. All
I know is that they pay us big money to get it delivered to them on time.
So what are you waiting for?

We see a shot of the rocket ship leaving, on it’s way to Grimmulon. The
camera moves inside, where we see the crew. Leela is steering the ship
while the others are doing whatever they are paid to do, or don’t.

FRY: So you are trying to tell me that you actually like watching those
romantic movies?
LEELA: Yeah, why not? Everybody needs a little bit of sugar in their life
now and then.
FRY: Geez, it’s just that I took you to be such an independent woman.
LEELA: Why shouldn’t an independent woman like that romantic fluff?
Everybody has a soft spot in their heart somewhere.
BENDER: I had my soft spot removed two years ago, robots don’t like soft
spots.
FRY: Yeah but would you want a knight in shining armour come up and rescue
you?
LEELA: If he would rescue me from this job and from having all these
pointless conversations with you, bring him on!
FRY: Unbelievable, can you understand that Amy?
AMY: Sure, I think every girl would like a knight in shining armour to come
up to them one day. I think it’s something genetic.
BENDER: Thank God I don’t have genes, or I would have had to let those be
removed as well.
FRY: Thank God I am not a girl, at least us guys can take care of
themselves and don’t believe in that fairy tale hoopla.
LEELA: We will continue this conversation when we arrive on the planet,
just let me concentrate on my landing now. There seems to be some
turbulence close to the ground.

The ship starts to shake and everybody grabs something to hold onto. Then
the cargo door in the back of the ship breaks open, and cargo starts to
fall out.

LEELA: Oh no! The cargo door is open! And I cannot get it closed anymore!
FRY: Allow me, this is a man’s job.

Fry gives Leela a smug smile and she clearly is not amused.

LEELA: You smug.

And just as Fry is about close to the door, Leela gives the ship a little
nudge, causing Fry to tumble through the door, and fall all the way down to
the planet.

FRY: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
AMY: Leela! What did you do!
LEELA: Oops, I guess I got a little bit annoyed.
BENDER: You killed him!
LEELA: Now I doubt that Bender. We are only flying a few feet above the
ground, and there was a forest there so I think the trees will have broken
his fall.
BENDER: You mean that really forbidding looking forest, the one that is
rumoured to have werewolves, vampires and other types of monsters?
LEELA: Um, well.
BENDER: Man, I thought Fry was a friend of yours.
LEELA: He is!
BENDER: Well, I would not like to see what you do to your enemies!
LEELA: Well we will quickly deliver the package and then come straight back
for him.

We see a shot from outside, where the ship is speeding off in the distance.
As this happens, the camera zooms in on the forest, where we slowly but
surely can make out the shape of Fry. He is lying on the floor, groaning,
while there are some shapes around him. The shapes look rather scary and
things don’t look too good for our Fry. Just as the shapes are about to
attack him, he passes out.

The screen goes black.

And then we see Fry again, first in the same close-up as when he was about
to faint, but this time, as the camera zooms out, we see that he is in
quite a different surrounding. This is a very cosy room, where a fire is
burning, and Fry is being pampered by an assortment of weird and wonderful
characters. We see a bottle, a full glass and a digital clock, all standing
on a small table. Nothing out of the ordinary, if it wasn’t for the fact
that they all have eyes and are chatting excitedly.

CLOCK: Do you think he is still alive?
TABLE: Well, you’d think so, after all he is breathing!
CLOCK: Well, excuse me, I haven’t breathed myself in over ten years, not
since we all got turned into these damn appliances!
TABLE: Who are you calling an appliance? You may be an appliance, but I’m a
dining room table!
BOTTLE: Look, he’s moving!
FRY: Unh. Where. Where am I?
TABLE: Why can’t they ever come up with a more original sentence when they
wake up?
CLOCK: Well what do you expect him to say: Hi folks! I’m feeling whoopsie
daisy? He just fell out of a spaceship for Pete’s sake!
GLASS: Who’s Pete?
FRY: What, what are you all talking about?

Fry looks at the surroundings with sleepy eyes, then all of a sudden they
open wide.

FRY: A talking clock? A talking table?
TABLE: Hey not just any table, buddy! I’m a dining room table!

The clock sticks out his tongue.

TABLE: Watch it, Clockie, you never know what might happen to you!
FRY: My God, I must be dreaming! This is just like that. Like that Beauty
and the.
BOTTLE: No! Don’t say it!
FRY: .Beast?

A door slams open, as we see the shadow of an imposing figure.

Fade out.

The action moves to a small city nearby the castle. We see all the other
Planet Express workers standing next to their ship. Leela is holding a
package, while a guy in old-fashioned clothes is signing the form that is
going to make him the rightful owner of the package.

GUY: So you are telling me that your friend ‘accidentally’ fell out of the
spaceship and into that forest over there?
LEELA: Well.
GUY: What the hell was he doing? Cleaning the windows?
LEELA: Um.
GUY: Well it does not matter anyway, cause if he fell into that forest,
he’s dead!

We hear a Psycho-like musical stab as the camera quickly zooms in on the
faces of the Planet Express people. For every person that the camera turns
to we hear the same shrieking sound. First we see Leela with wide open
eyes, then Amy and Zoidberg, followed by Bender who does not look as scared
as the others. Actually, he looks quite bored.

LEELA: But. But isn’t there anything we can do?
GUY: Look missy, if he would have even survived a fall like that, and if he
has not been eaten alive by the wolves living in that forest, then chances
are pretty big that he would have been taken prisoner by the terrible
Monster that lives there!

Again, we hear the Psycho sounds, as the camera again zooms in on the faces
of Leela, Amy and Zoidberg. When the camera zooms in on the face of Bender,
again we see he is not as impressed as his companions.

BENDER: What? Do you really think they are gonna kill him off? He’s the
star of the show! Well, after me of course. I’m the hero. He is more like
my sidekick.

He pauses and does not look as confident anymore.

BENDER: Oh my God, and the sidekick always dies!

Now the camera zooms in with the same sound and this time Bender is looking
equally scared.

BENDER: We have to save him!

Fade out.

We go back to the cosy room, where the atmosphere is not as cosy anymore.
In fact, most inhabitants look like they are going to faint soon. From
behind them a shadow appears and a terrible voice booms out:

VOICE: Error! Error! Error! There is someone in this room who is not
allowed to be here!

FRY: Oh my God, that must be the. The.

Fry is shaking all over his body, and trembling he turns around to see the
source of this horrible voice and sees. A big robot! It looks positively
huge, but somehow not so scary. It looks decidedly female as well.

FRY: The Bot?

In the blink of an eye the bot drives over to Fry, who does not look as
scared anymore, only mildly afraid.

BOT: Who are you! What are you doing here?
TABLE: Madame, this person was sitting in this chair when we entered the
room, we have no idea how he came here.
FRY: Liar!
TABLE: Hey, I’m a table, there is a fireplace in this room and she has a
built in chainsaw. What do you expect me to say?
FRY: Good point.
BOT: Silence! What are you doing here, fleshbag?
FRY: Fleshbag? We hardly even met and already you start insulting me? No
wonder that you got turned into a huge robot by that witch when you sent
her away when she came asking for a place to stay the night.
BOT: What? How do you know?
FRY: I’ve seen that movie a thousand times, how do you think I know?
BOT: Then, then you know that I need to find someone that truly loves me,
so that I can be turned back into my old self again?
FRY: Yeah baby, and I remember from that movie that the beast got turned
into this pretty hot looking guy.

He turns to the Table.

FRY: Not that I know whether or not a guy is hot looking or not of course,
I just judged that from the reaction of the girl in that movie.
TABLE: I hear you man.

He turns back to the Bot.

FRY: So I guess that some sweet loving can turn you from Beast to Beauty.
And since I would not mind spending the rest of my life living in a swanky
castle.
CLOCK: Well it’s not that swanky.
TABLE: Shut up! Do you want to stay a clock all your life?
FRY: .Being waited upon by a big staff of lackeys.

He gets up, moves to the robot and takes her, er. it in his arms. The robot
looks surprised.

FRY: I love you baby!

He tries to kiss the robot, but she moves her lips away from his lips.

BOT: But how do I know you are the right one for me? It has to be true love
you know.
TABLE: Just take him! Free us from this hell and have us all turned back
into humans again! It’s not like you will ever find someone better!

Both Fry and the robot look at the table angrily.

BOTH: What?
TABLE: Um, what I am trying to say is that you can see at first sight that
the two of you were. Um. Meant for each other!
BOT: Well. Now that you mention it.

As she moves her face back towards Fry’s, we fade out.

.And fade back in to an angry mob that is charging up towards the castle.
Leading the mob are Leela, Amy, Zoidberg and Bender.

LEELA: I can hardly believe how easy it was to persuade these people to
drop everything they were doing and to risk their lives to help us save
Fry!
GUY: Hey, don’t flatter yourself too much. Do you have any idea how boring
life is out here? Since we were bought out by that pharmaceutical company,
we cannot even protest against the government anymore. Besides, nothing
beats a good fight every now and then.
BENDER: I just hope we are not too late to save Fry. He still owes me
twenty bucks!

As they come close to the castle, something happens. Lightning flashes and
before the eyes of all the people outside the dark and forbidding castle
turns into a cheerful, colourful castle that you would expect in a fairy
tale. Everybody looks amazed.

AMY: My God, that is just like that movie Beauty and the Beast.
LEELA: What do you mean?
AMY: At the end of the movie the girl and the monster fall in love with
each other and then the monster turns out to be some wimpy looking guy and
then they live happily ever after. And the castle is magically transformed
too, just like this one!
BENDER: Wait, are you trying to say that Fry fell in love with some wimpy
looking guy?
AMY: Well, or maybe the monster was a.
LEELA: Wait, what’s that sound?

From the distance we can hear a screaming, that is slowly getting louder
and louder. The source is revealed when the front door of the castle slams
open and Fry comes running out, screaming at the top of his lungs.

LEELA: Fry! What’s wrong?
FRY: Help me! Help me!

He hides behind Leela’s back.

LEELA: How? From what?
FRY: From. From that!

The door slams open again and reveals a beautiful, gorgeous. Bot. Okay,
this bot is not as big as the previous one and it looks quite feminine, but
it’s still a bot!

BOT: Fry! I thought you loved me!
FRY: But I thought you were gonna turn into a girl!
BOT: Well, I did, didn’t I?
FRY: But you’re a bot!
BENDER: Well that is one of the most specie-ist things I have ever heard!
You disappoint me Fry! Have all our years of friendship taught you nothing?
FRY: I thought you were the one who always said that inter-species
relationships were wrong!
BOT: Well, I don’t care about it, you are mine! Come here sweetheart!
FRY: No, no! Save me!

Fry runs away, with the Bot chasing him. He starts screaming again.

A man comes walking out the front door. He has the same face as the table
had, telling us that this is indeed the table in his human form.

TABLEMAN: Say, we had prepared this large buffet for the happy occasion,
but it seems like the lovers have something else to do. Are you people
hungry?
LEELA: Well, all this excitement has made me a little hungry yeah.
ZOIDBERG: Food! Finally! I thought you would never ask!

Chatting happily amongst each others, the whole group walks inside the
castle. The Table Man closes the door and the camera starts to zoom out to
a quiet, starry night. The only thing we can hear is some birds singing,
interrupted occasionally by Fry’s screaming.

All characters are owned by their respective copyright holders. This script
was written by Patrick Rijnders in 2002.